Fighting an epic battle...a battle for your heart

As I sat in Starbucks this morning having my quiet time, I found some of my old journal entries and it just about blew me away at how God is always just right on time. I can hardly remember writing this. It is also cool to see how far I have come from when I started on this journey four years ago. this journal entry is dated 5.2.13.......

I have always been drawn to movies that were all centered around epic battles. Middle Ages type stuff.   Like I'm obsessed with movies like gladiator and 300! I have watched Gladiator a million and one times and it never gets old. I sometimes feel like Joan of Arc in my heart. She has inspired me to be brave. When she was 19, She was burned at the stake for what she believed in. I know that is kinda crude, but think about it, Jesus did the same thing for us. Joan was a martyr, she was a warrior, a fighter. She knew who she was and what she was fighting for. That made her fearless all the way to her death. Her death did not go in vain. No person of the Middle Ages, male or female, was ever studied so much. So what she died for lived on long after she left this world. That is called a legacy. Legacy: noun. Anything handed down from the past, as from an ancestor or predecessor. What if we leave this world soon? Would we have something to leave behind that would inspire others and live on long after we are gone? How would others remember you?  

I love movies when they are fighting with swords. It feels like a real fight verses ones with guns. I mean if you are fighting with a sword you are up close and personal, you have no choice but to be courageous and brave. You are in the battle. There is no hiding behind something. It's face to face with your opponent. It's sink or swim time.  It reminds me of what the bible is a symbol for. The bible is our greatest defense or sword against the evil learning around us, the evil we can't see. The Enemy, the devil, prowl around ready to devour us. Our greatest battle is against the mind, and we can fight it with our sword.  The sword that is already within us. This is why memorizing scripture and hiding it in your heart is so beneficial, because you can pull it out when you start to think thought or hear lies. God gives us all the tools we need to face whatever battle comes our way.  Combat these things with the truth of what God says about you. 

Since I was a little girl there was a battle raging all around me and within me. I new it needed to be fought and won. I knew I could not just go on with my life and not fight for what I believed in.  I was weak, but also I learned to be tough. Where we are weak, God is so strong. I can remember times when God was pursuing me and putting fires in my heart and passions for things that I now know and can see most of those things, I always knew there was something more. At that time I had no clue what that meant, but knew I was being drawn to a life of more. This wanting more was not meant in a selfish way, like being greedy because I wasn't content, it was wanting more of God and also I knew God was creating me to be more. I know now I am being called to not only fight for my heart, but for others hearts. It just a piece of my puzzle that I'm finding out. 

I have picked up these little pieces all through my life and now it's starting to finally make sense. How crazy and amazing it is to journey and embark on this adventure into the unknown with the creator of the universe. I can't even fathom it. Why God chose me? A girl from a small town in nowhere Alabama. A girl who grew up poor and abused! Why? Well, I decided it doesn't matter, because God knows. 

We are in a battle, a scary, fierce battle. The battle for our souls. If we don't stand up and fight then nobody will. As "girls with swords", we are called by God to pick up his word and fight the enemy and help lift each other up and encourage and literally we might have to save each other from some dangerous stuff. I have a really good friend who moved to LA (Cali) and actually rescues woman off the street from prostitution and sex trafficking. It's not easy and very dangerous. I went to see her and her girls a few years ago. God very aggressively pulled my heart strings, and it is something along with some of my other fellow warrior sisters in Christ, are praying hard about starting something along the same lines here in nashville, so be in prayer about this for us. 

Also sharing your stories is another way that you can defeat the enemy. the bible says "we will overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimonies" Revelation 12:11....So share your stories, you will help other people and they may be locked up by chains of their past, of pain, and brokenness. You have this story for a reason. It is to give glory to God. He will use it. 

We are fighters, we are brave, and beautiful. Our weapon of choice? Our swords. God's word etched in our hearts. We fight for these hearts daily, hourly, with passion and for a purpose!! 

Letter to all my girls out there....YOU ARE MORE!

What do you see when you look in the mirror? That little girl that was abandoned and not protected by the ones that were suppose to shield her from all harm? The little girl that wasn't good enough? The little girl you hated? Do you see someone weak, maybe a broken mess? Do you see someone who lacks confidence, your hurts and pains, unworthy of love, of finding a good man, undeserving of good things because of shame and regret you so tightly hold on to?  Do you see what he did to you? Do you see only scars?

I know the world likes to see you for everything you’ve done, good or bad. I know your friends like to bring up the past and tell you that it’s okay to your face, but criticize and slander your name when you aren’t looking. I know that your church loves you when you stay pure, substance free and love God by being perfect and flawless. But this is a letter to the women who have experienced rejection from the church; as soon as you don’t show up one Sunday or let a curse word fly or make a “mistake,” you are shunned or don’t feel welcomed.

This is a letter for the sometimes lost, sometimes broken, sometimes lonely women.

You are labeled by everything you do, and the pressure that is coming at you from every angle can be unbearable. Who can you turn to when everyone has turned away? Who is there to lift you up when you can’t pick yourself up off the bathroom floor? 

I will give you the answer to that question.

Jesus.

Jesus is there, every time. Through every drunken night, through every one night stand. Through every curse word, every regret that you have hidden from the world. Everything that was done to you that was not your fault, when you were taken advantage of or you took advantage of somebody else.  He is there. He looks past the hurt, pain and scars, shame and regret. He looks for the princess that His father created. He looks for the sister that He saved from death and despair when He hung on a cross to die.

There is an amazing story of Jesus showing grace and love to a woman in the Bible. this story is found in John 8:2-11. This woman had a reputation, and leaders in the town found her committing a sin. They pulled her from where she was found and drug her through the square. These men threw her in front of Jesus, ready to thrown stones at her.

Then He turn towards her accusers and asked what she had done.

They repeated her transgressions with great delight, as if exposing her made them feel better about themselves. Jesus said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” Jesus bent back down and kept drawing in the sand.

One by one they threw their stones down to ground and walked away, humbled and ashamed. After the last left, Jesus looked up from his drawing, and at the woman again. It was just the woman and Jesus.

What we find strange today is that Jesus was without sin, yet he looks graciously upon us as sinners. He didn’t pick up a stone of judgment or hate or malice or disappointment and throw it at her with all of his might. Sometimes we forget that after all the stones we’ve had thrown our way, Jesus is the only one who won’t. He didn’t turn away from her and run. He didn’t tell her that she wasn’t good enough.

He loved her.

He accepted her for everything that she was. All of the baggage she brought with her. For all of her flaws, imperfections, and wonderfulness. The wonderfulness that comes with being a woman, a woman who is so dearly loved! He looked upon her with compassion and knew she was more then her past, more then an object..... We are also accepted for the beauty that was created in His likeness. Because you are beautiful, and you are so loved.

And that is what men should do. They should love and cherish everything about you, never casting a stone. And I’m sorry for those who have. I know there are good men out there, but I know you’ve met plenty of bad ones along the way. Lots of times we kiss a lot of frogs before we kiss our prince. It is part of learning.... Forgive them and don’t cast stones back, either. I can promise you, it doesn't make you feel any better. ( more on this issue later)...  If you have already cast stones back out of desperation and despair, don't let it shut you down from the shame and regret you feel. We all make mistakes and do things we don't mean at times.  The reality of it all is HURT PEOPLE, HURT PEOPLE. Its true, you never know what's going on in someone's  life to cause them to act out a certain way. Be flexible and forgiving. This is part of what love really means. The ones that know you and love you, know the real you. Most importantly, Jesus has forgiven you. You are loved unconditionally by him, with no condemnation. That's all that really matters.
 

So, What do you see when looking at the mirror now?  It is my hope and prayer that you see someone who is loved and accepted. You are someone who is deserving of joy and happiness, who can do anything. You are someone who has the confidence to walk with her head held high. You love your family and friends without holding back. You bare stretch marks from birthing children. You hold and nurture and have abilities to make the world come back together when it feels like the pieces have fallen apart. You have a unique story, you are ever deserving and worthy, You are beautiful, you are good, you are a child of God. Perfection, created to love and be loved. Don't ever forget sweet friends, YOU ARE MORE then your past! You have been bought with a price and are chosen by the God of this universe to matter right where you are! YOU, yes, YOU!!!!!! 

Praying for my Man

I have had a hard time coming to terms with the whole thought of blogging about "my future husband". Mainly because I just didn't believe he actually existed and because I didn't believe I was worthy enough to actually blessed with the man I prayed for. As hard as I have tried in the past I can't seem to get this one right. I didn't think I deserved Gods best. The man he has created for me. I would always tell myself and still do at times that I have so much baggage and so much I need to do to get myself right before I can be "enough" for the man God has for me. I even felt guilty praying for this man....This is a big fat lie! First thing I have to say is that, I am never gonna measure up in this world. It's fallen, but I know I do measure up in Gods eyes and all that matters is that I am enough for him. I find it so freeing to know I don't have to be " enough" for anybody! (Sorry to get off topic, a bit) ....Truth is that I know the man God has for me is going to have gone through struggles, he is going to be a man that has been broken and has hit rock bottom and knows what faith and actual trust in God means. He will be simpathetic and empathetic towards me and my past because he will be Able to understand what I have been through. He will be able to catch my vision for my purpose in life because he understands me and why God has called me to do the things he's calling me to do, he will speak this out loud and proud over my life. So I decided that I wanted to start praying for the man God has for me  now because he needs prayers and is going through things just like me. God is working on his heart, just like mine. He won't be perfect, nobody is, but he will be mine. My sweet gift from God that I have boldly prayed for, cried for, and waited for......here is my prayer for  my man, my future husband. ( I am seriously giddy with joy and excitement writing this, because I know I am praying for a real person, the man I will have the privilege of loving forever and truly sharing my life with, I may already know him or I may not, but the mystery of it all is an amazing feeling, something I have not experienced before and when the time comes for us to meet, I will never appreciate anything more in my life) ............

-Lord, I lift up my future husband to You. I don't know if I have ever talked to him before, but I do know he is near. I want to pray for him according to Your Word, that:

-He would cherish me and love me, his future wife, as Christ loves the church. Not being afraid to stand up for me and protect me, Never allowing anybody no matter who they are to disrespect or talk down or degrading to me. He would love me enough to back up what he says with actions. He would be a man of integrity and never lie. He would help and encourage me to be the woman God has created me to be. He would except all of me, good and bad. He would allow God to use him to heal wounds in my heart. He would be a strong leader and be looked up to by his peers. (Ephesians 5: 25, Proverbs 3:1-4)

-He would run fast from temptation and be freed from anything that is keeping him in bondage to sin Such as: drugs, alcohol, sex, pornography, money. (Romans 12:9, John 10:10, Isaiah 61:1, 1 Thes 4)

-He would focus day and night on Your Word, pray constantly and stay faithful to You to the end (Psalm 1:1-3, 1 Thessalonians 5:17, Hebrews 12:1-2, Col 4:2)

-He will love You with all his heart, soul, mind, and strength. I pray he desires to not want to live like the world lives because it is comfortable and because it is all he has known. That he will be strong enough to make a stand for what he believes and be and example to his mom, dad, siblings, and other family, even if it means he is standing alone. I pray he will seek you so you can renew his mind to see things of real value and worth. (Mark 12:30; 1 Samuel 16:7, Colossians 3 1-2)

-He will be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger and is patient and flexible. He will not be upset or shaken when original plans get changed or upset when he has to wait on others or he has to wait on me. He will make the most of the time he has while waiting. James 1:19)

-A motivator, man of vision, concerned about lost souls. (Romans 10:14)

-You protect him physically, mentally, and spiritually ( protect his body,mind, and soul) (Psalm 28:7-9, Psalm 41, John 17:15, 2 Thessalonians 3:3, proverbs 4:16)

-You will instruct him and teach him what direction he should go with his life, giving him the wisdom to make the best decisions for himself and his family. (Psalm 32:8, Proverbs 5-6) 

-He would develop strong relationships with other godly men. That he realizes and understands what true friendship really means. (Ephesians 4:24-25, Hebrews 10:24, Proverbs 27:17)

-He would be Kingdom minded( wanting what you would want and loving as you would love) and a ministry partner( being involved and serving with me and in support with different ministries we are feeling lead towards), having a sensitive spirit, being in tune to the needs of others.  Matthew 6: 20-21, Matthew 6:33, Colossians 3:2, 1 Thes 5:12, 1 Cor 4:12, Gal 6:2) 

-He will fear You, God, walk in wisdom and righteousness, standing up for what is right and not what is evil. Not being afraid to stand up for me (or others) and protect me, even if it is standing up to somebody he knows and is close to him. Never allowing anyone to talk down or belittle me. ( ***Fearing God here does not mean being scared, but honoring God and respecting and obeying him)   ....He would also be an advocate for all woman, knowing that they are all precious to you and are valuable, not objects to be used in any way. (1 Kings 9:4-5, Proverbs 1:7, Proverbs 15:33)

-He will walk in humility before You( being ok with not having it all figured out or being right all the time), not giving in to pride, and have a teachable spirit, looking forward to opportunities to grow and always be a better man and husband, and father.) Micah 6:8, 2 Timothy 3:16, Proverbs 12:1,Proverbs 16:18, Matthew 28:19-20)

It's the climb

I Went rock climbing tonight with Chelsea, one of my closest friends who is a huge part of my life and story! I met her four years ago and she actually got me the job at pretty in pink (my first job in nashville) Her and her husband recently joined climb nashville! Shout out to #climbnashville because it was so fun! I'm getting ready to climb Mt. Everest next! Ha! Just kidding, well you never know but this whole

experience made me think! It was a perfect example of it being not so much about how or when you get to your destination but the journey and the details along the way...it's not easy and really challenging, you may fall, you may lose, you may be really really slow reaching the top of that mountain, but that's the beautiful thing about it all! It breaks you,molds you, and makes you into the person you are meant to be!